The Asylum
by WerewolfDoctor
Summary: What if Charles, when his powers first began to emerge, told people that he could hear voices in his head? Very A/U and kind of dark.
1. Chapter 1

_Children, it has often been found, have a habit of announcing every exciting new discovery they make._

_This is not a good thing if said child starts hearing voices in their head._

_To be fair to his mother (and Charles often had to remind himself to be fair) had tried, but when her son didn't grow out of this 'phase' and started 'hearing' not just words but pictures and colours and sounds and feelings and memories and a whole great mess in his head that he didn't understand, she just couldn't cope._

_Because when somebody tells you they hear voices in their heads, nobody ever thinks that it's actually real. And so little Charles had been sent to The Asylum._

_The Asylum did actually have a real name, but nobody ever used it._

_Really, Charles thinks from his cold cell. Sorry. Room. It wasn't his mother's fault she had sent him to his own personal hell. She had only been trying to help._

…

Coming back had been painful, but he hadn't much choice but to take their ragtag little bunch to the old house. Mansion, however anybody wanted to classify it, he still didn't want to be here.

"_Honestly Charles, I don't know how you survived, living in such hardship."_

He could have corrected Erik. He didn't actually spend much of his childhood here after all, but he didn't. He almost liked the mistake. That's what he had been doing all these years, after all, creating this persona. The Charles he had created had never had to live through any hardship.

Perhaps he was slightly insane after all.

…

_He very quickly memorises them all. The nurses, the doctors. The ones who shove medicine down your throat if you don't co-operate. There's the nice (relatively) ones and the scary ones. There's Nurse O'Connor, who he privately dubs The Trunchball. _

_One day he's just so bored and so he asks, so timidly, trying to be polite, if he can have his books. They reply with maybe, if he's good. He promises to himself he'll be good, the only problem is that he doesn't know how. The rules have all changed from what he knows, and he finds he often breaks these new rules without knowing._

…

Charles made a list of rules, training timetables and no alcohol to see if some form of order would calm his ever present low level panic. It doesn't.

Chess with Erik seemed to go some way to calming him though.

Life with this random mixture of people, all with different objectives (although they pretended they have the same one) started to make some strange sort of sense and they become more like a group than odd people pulled together by necessity.

…

_It's been years._

_He's learnt to calm the mess in his head, to organise it. He's learnt the rules, but he can't be satisfied. He has to prove that he's not mad because the voices in his head are right, they're always right. He knows what people think, what they say before they say it. So if they're right all the time they can't just be in his head, right?_

_He's learnt to hide it, over time, this knowledge he has, but now he will show it, and they will have to admit he's not mad, and everything will be all right, won't it?_

_He's wrong. He's so, so wrong._

…

Every crack Erik made about his presumed privileged upbringing hurt far more than it should and Charles found himself wanting to yell that he knows. He understands. He's felt pain like that.

But he didn't, he reigned himself in, because since when has telling people the truth gotten him anywhere?

He can't show anybody his weak spot, but especially Erik, because he had somehow had wormed in far further than he should have.

…

_He's shivering in his cell when He comes to see him. The one who's like him, except not. He can feel the pain and fear and anger of all his inmates – patients, but he cannot see the memories or hear the thoughts, but he feels the emotions, the pain and loves it._

_Charles thinks the word sadist was meant just for him._

_He talks to Charles in his simple, patronising tones, smiles at Charles' reactions and walks out_.

_Charles has broken the rules. In here they are all insane. He must learn not to argue, not to question the doctors. And now he must be punished._

…

It's the old argument, the mutants vs humans debate.

Erik insisted that mutants should survive as the more evolved form of humanity, simply because of the laws of evolution, but really it's because he knew (or thought) that humans would oppress the minority mutants, and that they should strike the first blow.

Charles quickly gave up his 'be the better man' argument (although it is an ideal he'd love to be able to keep) and instead argued that humans (meaning both humans and mutated humans) can be vindictive bastards, and will always find a reason to discriminate against their fellow humans, "Whether you're black or white or blue." Charles said, "So therefore an all mutant society would not be a perfect one. It would only be a matter of time before divisions sprung up. Starting a war is not the solution, but there is a possibility of forming some sort of discordant harmony with the humans."

Erik actually seemed to consider the point, and Charles wondered whether he'd managed to get through to him this time.

…

_It's late at night when the anger starts to get him. He's been angry before, but never like this. He'd be scared if he weren't so consumed._

…

"So, what's your secret?"

The question caught Charles off guard, and so he just turned around to face Erik without saying anything.

"Come on, you know all my secrets, and I can tell you're hiding something. Something big. You hate this house."

"I don't hate the house."

"Then what do you hate?"

Nothing, he wanted to say, I'm all sunshine and daisies, can't you tell?

And the curious thing is some treacherous part of him _wants_ to tell Erik. He could wipe Erik's mind, make him forget, but somehow that doesn't seem an option. And Charles is here now, he might as well deal with it.

"Come with me, I'll show you."

They ended up outside an old, dilapidated building, which seemed more menacing than it rightfully should be, as no one around seemed willing to go near it, or even look at it.

"This is the old Asylum," Charles said, "well, it's really, 'The Lowood Asylum For The Mentally Ill'." Erik wanted to ask, but stayed silent, "When one stupid little kid who can't keep his mouth shut starts telling everybody who'll hear that he can hear voices in his head, people don't take it so well. I spent most of my childhood here."

"What happened?"

"They probably would've shut it down anyway, in the end. What they did to the 'patients'…" Charles didn't say, and Erik didn't ask, so eventually Charles continued, quiet, almost as if he wasn't quite there, "One night, after years, I got more angry than I had ever been. I had been getting much stronger but my control still wasn't that great. I got angry and I lashed out. I kind of, there's no real words to explain what I did, but I kind of overloaded everyone's brains. Everyone. The doctors and the patients and the cleaners. Even those I didn't hate. Even those I liked. And so I ran. Everybody died in one night with no possible explanation, nobody noticed one little, scared teenager running away. I taught myself control, it was a long, painful process, but I swore nothing like that would ever happen again, then I created a new life for myself."

There was something horrific, Erik thought, about the way Charles told him he had simply reinvented himself, as if his identity meant nothing, but Erik could understand the desire for a whole new life, but what he had got was an endless quest for revenge.

Charles shivered, "Do you know what a mind does when it dies, Erik? It reaches out, screaming, clinging on to anything it can find." He looked at Erik, "If I wasn't mad before, I certainly am now, Erik."

Erik took only a second to decide something then. He walked up to Charles and said, "To quote your words back at you, Charles. You are not alone."

And that's how it was, two irreparably damaged souls clinging to each other and creating their new world.

_A/N – Gah, I'm not really happy with this one, just based on a basic what if, which kind of grew and became this. Anyway, please review and tell me what you think._


	2. Chapter 2

A/N – It isn't made clear, but in this AU Charles and Raven met at university and became good friends, since they obviously couldn't have met in childhood.

…

_His mind was burning. If it were possible for a mind to explode, Charles was sure his would have by now. He was shivering. It was so cold sitting on this street the endless people, the endless minds passing him by. But his mind was still burning._

_And a mind can only take so much._

_Charles woke in a clean, white room, the lights too bright and a familiar smell invading. He started panicking quietly (he had learnt not to bring attention to himself) terrified he was back in The Asylum._

_But no, he was in hospital. Had been for two months. He'd been in a coma._

_This was his first taste of the 'real' world since he'd been a very small child. Seeing other's memories and catching rides through other's eyes when they went out didn't count. This time he was determined that he'd win. He just had to learn control first._

…

Alex turned and snapped at Charles, angry at his optimistic encouragement, angry with _himself_ after he destroyed the room again.

"You don't know what it's like to be afraid of your own power. To be out of control all the time!"

"Yes I do." It's a moment and Charles makes no attempt to quickly brush it over but they quickly continue with Alex's training. Alex still wondered, later when he was alone, what had made Charles, who often seemed to exude optimism, intelligence and indestructibility to be so afraid of his powers and what had led him to bury that fear so deep down.

…

_He flees once more, now overwhelmed, excited and absolutely terrified. He knows that he will have to keep absolutely hidden._

…

Raven appeared in the kitchen, surprising him in her full, blue glory and asked him what he thought was the most obvious question in the world.

"Why do we have to hide?"

He tried explaining, tried to explain why they couldn't ever be found, but she wanted so desperately to be free and he couldn't help but envy her for her lack of fear whilst wanting to protect her.

He couldn't stand the pity in her eyes when he walked away from that and resisted the urge to throw everybody out and start again. Something about these people, this whole situation was making him so vulnerable.

…

Russia was both a success and a disaster at the same time. Erik's obsession with revenge had led him just to charge in, despite the fact that Shaw wasn't even there, only his right hand lady, Charles, of course, had rushed in after him. But that hadn't been the disaster.

When in Charles had found that Emma Frost, being a telepath herself, had some form of defence against telepaths. And so Charles had just pushed harder. And pushed. And pushed, until she had, quite literally, shattered. And there her mind lay open to and he had taken what he needed whilst she lay helpless, not even able to speak.

As they were sitting in the nice fancy jet on the way back (with Frost safely tied up) Charles was still shivering. It was worse when Erik started congratulating him. He tried to shut him out, but he couldn't stop it, like the buzz of a fly in your ear and so Charles snapped.

"No. I went too far, can't you see that? I can't … I can't."

"But everything's fine. We got the information we wanted and Frost's alive and well enough in the back. It didn't happen."

"I was barely in control. You don't know what it felt like inside my head, Erik."

"If you're forever keeping your mind in a prison of your own making, how can you ever be free like you want?"

They didn't speak after that.

…

_Another lost boy on the street. They ignored him. He was glad for it. The last thing he wanted was to be found now._

_He slid down the wet bricks and curled into a corner, his knees tucked to his chin. With all these minds rushing past he was overwhelmed, so he shuttered up. He blocked. He did everything he could and his defences grew stronger over time. He locked himself away._

_He hasn't really opened up since then._

…

"If you must kill Shaw and, don't say anything, I know you must, you must know you can't kill him on your own. Everything you throw at him he'll just absorb."

Erik sighed. It was a fact he'd been refusing to accept for some time, but now that Charles had laid it out to bare he could no longer ignore it.

"Then what do you suggest?"

"I may be able to hold him still, in effect, block his power for a short amount of time. We know from Frost that he has a metal helmet that blocks telepaths. You'll have to remove that first."

"You'll be inside his head whilst he dies? That's even worse than-"

"Erik," everything about Charles was tense, "I know how much this means to you, and Shaw needs to die, we both know that. This may be the only way of killing him. Just, Erik?" For the first time in the conversation there was a hint of vulnerability.

"Yes?"

He was once again firm as he told Erik, "Don't ever ask me to do anything like this again."

"I won't. And thank you."

…

_He slowly learns control, and the minds of many open up to him, but always he is cautious. He remains shuttered in his own mind._

…

Erik ran out of the submarine and caught Charles as he staggered out of the broken plane.

"Are you all right? Charles, speak to me."

"I would if you let me have a word in edgeways," Charles croaked out. It's a weak joke, and neither can crack a smile. Erik because he's too worried, and Charles because he hasn't the energy. "I'll be fine, Erik. I'll be fine."

Erik was about to reply when he suddenly turned to face the water. "They're firing on us."

"The Russians?" Moira asked and Erik sneered at her.

"All of them." Moira paled and ran to the radio as Erik raised his hand. Charles grabbed his other arm.

"No war. Just let them explode in the air."

"Give me one good reason."

A million arguments ran through Charles' head, but he ended up with the very simple one that he knew was the basis to them all.

"Because then I'll never be free."

Erik let the missiles explode as he turned to hold Charles, "You will be free, my friend. Your school-"

"Our."

Charles thought he might have seen a hint of a smile before Erik continued, "Our school will be free. The children will be free-"

"You-"

"Yes, if you insist, I shall be free. And we will do it your way. And I shall always defend you."

"Erik-"

"If the war comes to me you cannot expect me not to fight. But you have my word I shall not instigate it. But this not the place to discuss this. We need to get out of here."

"I know … I think I can … Azazel!" The teleporting mutant walked towards the like, Erik smiled, like a man being controlled by a very powerful telepath.

…

A/N – And there it ends. I know it's a bit of a sudden ending, but I thought it gave off the right feeling. It isn't perfect; Charles and Erik are still two massively messed up people with differing viewpoints. Humanity isn't going to be universally accepting of mutants, but they do get, essentially, what they want.

Anyway, thanks for reading, and please tell me what you think.


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